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After a Suicide
Support, understanding, and guidance for families, friends, and communities
From Make Mental Health Matter
Losing someone to suicide is one of the most painful, disorienting, and heartbreaking experiences a person can face. If you are here, please know this:
You are not alone. And this was not your fault.
At Make Mental Health Matter (MMHM), we believe in showing up with compassion, honesty, and support — especially in the moments when life feels impossible to understand.
This page is here to help you take a breath, find grounding, and understand the next steps after a suicide loss.
⚠️ Important Note
If you are in immediate crisis or worried you might harm yourself, please contact your local emergency number or suicide crisis line right now.
MMHM provides education, resources, and community — not emergency crisis intervention.
What Not to Say to a Survivor of Suicide Loss
Even well-meaning words can hurt. Here’s what to avoid and what to say instead.
When someone loses a loved one to suicide, people around them often struggle to find the “right” words. Many say things they think are comforting… but they land as painful, invalidating, or minimizing.
If you’ve heard any of these, your pain is real.
And if you’ve said any of these, it doesn’t make you a bad person — it means you’re human.
This guide is here to help others show up with empathy instead of harm.
❌ “Why did they do it?”
Survivors already ask themselves this 1,000 times a day.
This question adds pressure, guilt, and a sense of responsibility.
Instead try:
✔ “I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”
✔ “I’m here with you in whatever you’re feeling.”
❌ “You must have missed the signs.”
This is one of the most painful statements a survivor can hear.
It suggests blame — and it is never that simple.
Instead try:
✔ “You loved them deeply, and none of this was your fault.”
❌ “Everything happens for a reason.”
In traumatic loss, especially suicide, this can feel dismissive and invalidating.
Instead try:
✔ “I don’t have the right words, but I love you and I’m here.”
✔ “What you’re feeling makes sense.”
❌ “They’re in a better place now.”
Even if meant spiritually, this can minimize the survivor’s pain and silence their grief.
Instead try:
✔ “Your love for them is so clear. This loss is incredibly hard.”
❌ “At least they’re not suffering anymore.”
This unintentionally places the focus on the person who died, not the person grieving — who is very much suffering right now.
Instead try:
✔ “I can’t imagine how heavy this feels for you. You don’t have to go through it alone.”
❌ “You’re so strong.”
This can pressure someone to hide their emotions to live up to the compliment.
Instead try:
✔ “You’re allowed to fall apart. You’re allowed to feel everything.”
❌ “How could they do this to you?”
This places moral blame on the person who died and increases shame for the survivor.
Instead try:
✔ “They must have been in so much pain. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”
❌ “It’s time to move on.”
There is no timeline for grief, especially suicide grief.
Instead try:
✔ “Take all the time you need. I’ll be here.”
WHAT TO SAY INSTEAD
“I’m so sorry for your loss.”
Simple and honest. Acknowledges their pain without assumptions.
“I’m here for you in whatever way you need.”
Gives them permission to guide the support they want.
“Your feelings are completely valid.”
Suicide loss brings complicated emotions. This statement normalizes them.
“You did the best you could with the information you had.”
Gently interrupts the self-blame many survivors carry.
“You’re not alone. I care about you.”
Connection is healing.
“Would it help if I just listened?”
Listening is often more healing than talking.
“Take your time — grief doesn’t follow a schedule.”
Gives them space to grieve without pressure.
“I’d love to hear about them when you’re ready.”
Invites sharing without forcing it.
“You’re carrying so much right now. How can I support you today?”
Present-moment support feels manageable during overwhelming grief.
“Your loved one mattered, and so do you.”
A powerful reminder anchoring them in love, connection, and worth.
A GENTLE REMINDER
You don’t have to say the perfect thing — you just have to show up. Compassion, presence, and understanding are the heart of support after a suicide loss.
This is exactly what Make Mental Health Matter exists for: creating a community where people can find connection, healing, and hope, even in the darkest moments.
If You’re a Survivor Hearing These Words:
It’s okay if these statements hurt.
It’s okay if they anger you.
It’s okay if they make you shut down.
Most people simply don’t understand suicide loss — and that’s exactly why MMHM exists: to bring education, compassion, and real support to the conversations people avoid.
More things to consider...
For Survivors of Suicide Loss
You Are Grieving Something No One Should Have to Face
Suicide loss is its own kind of grief.
It can feel:
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Traumatic
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Sudden
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Confusing
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Heavy
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Unfair
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Isolating
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Overwhelming
There is no “right” way to feel after losing someone to suicide.
You might be experiencing a mix of:
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shock
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guilt
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anger
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confusion
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sadness
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numbness
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anxiety
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relief mixed with sorrow
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a need for answers
All of these are normal. All of these are human. And none of them mean you’re grieving wrong.
What You Need to Know Right Now
Suicide loss can make you question everything - your relationship, the last conversation, the signs you missed, or things you “should have done.”
Please hear this: **You did the best you could with the information you had at the time. This was not your fault.**
People who die by suicide are experiencing unbearable pain — not a lack of love for the people in their lives. Suicide is complex, and no one cause, action, or conversation creates it.
Your job now is not to solve what happened, it’s to care for yourself and get the support you need.
What to Expect in the Days and Weeks After a Suicide
Every loss is different, but there are some common experiences:
1. Shock, Disbelief, and Emotional Numbness
Even if suicide was a known risk, it still feels sudden. Many people describe feeling like they are moving through a fog. This is your brain protecting you.
2. Waves of Emotion
You may feel completely fine one moment and completely overwhelmed the next. This is normal. Grief doesn’t follow a schedule or pattern.
3. A Need for Answers
It’s common to search for clues, replay conversations, or try to understand “why.” Be gentle with yourself. Your mind is trying to make sense of trauma.
4. Physical Symptoms
Grief lives in the body. You may notice:
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trouble sleeping
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loss of appetite
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headaches
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tightness in the chest
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exhaustion
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difficulty concentrating
This is normal — not a sign you’re failing.
5. Difficult Interactions With Others
People may not know what to say. Some may avoid the topic entirely. Some might say hurtful things unintentionally.
Remember: Their discomfort is not your responsibility. Your healing is.
How to Take Care of Yourself After a Suicide Loss
You don’t have to do everything at once. You just have to take one small step at a time.
1. Breathe and Slow Down
You don’t have to have all the answers today. You don’t have to make big decisions right now.
Focus on:
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water
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rest
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small meals
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breathing
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supportive people
Survival-level care is still care.
2. Lean on Trusted People
Let someone:
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sit with you
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help make phone calls
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bring food
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listen
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cry with you
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hold space for you
Connection is a lifeline in suicide grief.
3. Talk About Your Loved One When You’re Ready
You get to decide the pace.
You also get to decide:
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what you share
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with whom
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and when
Your story belongs to you.
4. Avoid Blame — Especially Self-Blame
Self-blame is one of the heaviest parts of suicide grief, and yet it is almost always undeserved.
A helpful reminder from MMHM’s work with survivors: If love could have saved them, they would still be here.
5. Seek Support From People Who Understand Suicide Loss
Support groups (online or in person) can be life-changing. Talking with others who have lived this experience can make you feel less alone and less “different.”
MMHM can help connect you to trustworthy sources through our Trusted Resource Hub. You can also join our community events and support groups too.
6. Consider Professional Grief Support
A therapist trained in trauma or suicide loss can help you:
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process complicated emotions
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navigate guilt
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rebuild routines
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manage anxiety or trauma responses
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find meaning and connection again
You don’t have to carry this alone.
Helping Children or Teens After a Suicide Loss
Children and teens process grief differently at every age.
A few guidelines:
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Be honest, at an age-appropriate level
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Avoid saying “they went to sleep” or euphemisms that create fear
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Allow them to express big emotions
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Reassure them repeatedly that it was not their fault
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Keep routines and predictability
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Seek professional help if they show signs of trauma or withdrawal
MMHM’s youth programming and resources can support you through this process.
Returning to Daily Life (When You’re Ready)
Returning to “normal” can feel impossible — because life won’t ever be the same. But over time, your grief will shift.
You will not feel like this forever.
It is okay to:
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laugh again
-
enjoy things
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find peace
-
move forward
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build a life that honors the person you lost
Healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means learning to live with love and loss at the same time.
You Are Not Alone — MMHM Is Here to Support You
At Make Mental Health Matter, we stand with survivors of suicide loss. Through our programs, education, and community support, we are committed to breaking stigma and supporting healing.
You can explore:
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Trusted Resource Hub (vetted therapists, grief counselors, and support organizations)
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Mental Health First Aid Training
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Community connection events
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The Make Mental Health Matter Show
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Local and national support resources
If you need help finding the right support, reach out. You deserve compassionate care and community during this time.
Other great resources from
American Foundation of Suicide Prevention
And we are lucky to collaborate with some amazing other nonprofits and have been given permission to share AFSP After a Suicide Brochure.